XxolliexX's emo tangents

  This is probably the worst way to have your first relationship, spending a month or two infatuated than spending the rest of your life apart or awkward friends. It will be the best time you ever had and you won't know it until years later when your yearning for that same feeling, looking at their sunburnt skin so dearly, walking around town trying to find anything to entertain each other for a few minutes, sweating in the sweltering heat, trying to find someplace mostly private, that weird nostalgia on the fourth of July as you run with them to find someplace more fitting to celebrate. I know it can never end well it will always end up tearing something deep within me that I will always feel but never be able to find. I just want someone to spend my summer with and than forget that intimacy when it all ends. This could all just be my lack of ability to hold onto something meaningful or feelings of inadequacies, I don't recall ever wanting more from someone than just a few mon...

  I hold onto my bad habits because I fear I am loosing my self. What used to bring me so much joy is now mundane and nostalgic. Nostalgia should hit after so many years but it has only been a few months. Were you just a phase, I would hope I am better than that, Better than to just play with my toys and than throw them out. You deserve better than that, you were stable and comforting, you gave me a reason and creative drive. Now I just sit here day after boring day holding onto the worse parts of what we had rather than re-kindling or finding joy in something new about you. To say first and worse would be a lie, First and best is more fitting, it may not slide off my tongue like you could but we could always repeat until we get it right. You couldn't bear to see me keeping my bad habits but it takes me back not to the best of times but times none the less. Am I so infatuated that even the worse memories are peaceful day dreams. I used to day dream of you at the waist of my jeans, ...