5th of July

 Were we too soon? We should have had the time to build what we had. Because once it starts it can't ever happen again. If only we waited maybe we could have gone out in a bang. Was I too far? I couldn't get that bass feeling in my chest. That for me is not just apart of life without it I can't manage. You were always that for me, something others could live without but for me if I didn't have you I would spiral and find myself drinking to fill the void and on the floor the next afternoon. You may look great from afar, but you are one in the same with fireworks if I can't feel it, it isn't there. Will it ever be there, that feeling that makes you nervous like you have to embarrass yourself for their amusement. Mabey later I will realize that in doing this I am just digging myself a deeper hole. But for now I will watch you from afar and know in my bones that I can't ever get close enough to truly feel you, to get my fill. Do I even truly want that utterly nauseating feeling, so deep in your bones you don't realize it's there until it gut punches you. Have I always avoided this because I thought it would make me weak or because I never truly wanted it. Have I been washed to desire this just cause others do or is it an internalized hatred for myself. Could I truly be the boy without a heart. Do I really avoid this or is it the other way around, have I built up my walls as a response or was I just born wrong. Will I ever know but I don't have the heart to break any.


Note: So surprise this is also not written about anyone in particular. Obviously my inspiration lies in that of the fourth of July, Fireworks, the Summer of Like, and depressed emo's of 2005. In honor of Summer my least favorite season I write a "break up" poem about me and fire works. I'm gonna go try to get drunk and listen to iron Maiden I already had a pretty hefty shot but I think I can hold my alcohol too well. Also I wrote this from a different perspective this time :)

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