XxolliexX's emo tangents

  This is probably the worst way to have your first relationship, spending a month or two infatuated than spending the rest of your life apart or awkward friends. It will be the best time you ever had and you won't know it until years later when your yearning for that same feeling, looking at their sunburnt skin so dearly, walking around town trying to find anything to entertain each other for a few minutes, sweating in the sweltering heat, trying to find someplace mostly private, that weird nostalgia on the fourth of July as you run with them to find someplace more fitting to celebrate. I know it can never end well it will always end up tearing something deep within me that I will always feel but never be able to find. I just want someone to spend my summer with and than forget that intimacy when it all ends. This could all just be my lack of ability to hold onto something meaningful or feelings of inadequacies, I don't recall ever wanting more from someone than just a few mon...

  I hold onto my bad habits because I fear I am loosing my self. What used to bring me so much joy is now mundane and nostalgic. Nostalgia should hit after so many years but it has only been a few months. Were you just a phase, I would hope I am better than that, Better than to just play with my toys and than throw them out. You deserve better than that, you were stable and comforting, you gave me a reason and creative drive. Now I just sit here day after boring day holding onto the worse parts of what we had rather than re-kindling or finding joy in something new about you. To say first and worse would be a lie, First and best is more fitting, it may not slide off my tongue like you could but we could always repeat until we get it right. You couldn't bear to see me keeping my bad habits but it takes me back not to the best of times but times none the less. Am I so infatuated that even the worse memories are peaceful day dreams. I used to day dream of you at the waist of my jeans, ...

  I'll paint you a picture in shining light we can wish for their greater good while they hope for our death. Is all we will ever be chalked up to a wide spread moral panic? If I could do half of what they blame us for I could change the world. As more and more regulations are spewed out and degrade us even more we can only hope for happiness something handed to them just because they follow a norm of categorical success and societal pressures. Are we destined to fail because we refuse to cave to expectations? For now I will sit here with you and describe the best day of our lives that may never come because in their eyes we are nothing more than a statistic and a way to propagandize the youth. Note:  This is kinda about someone that person being myself. This is a bit more on the nose it is about alot of different things mainly the way conservatives are scape goating transgender people and how gay marriage wasn't legalized until 2015 and pretty much all marginalized communitie...

  Were we too soon? We should have had the time to build what we had. Because once it starts it can't ever happen again. If only we waited maybe we could have gone out in a bang. Was I too far? I couldn't get that bass feeling in my chest. That for me is not just apart of life without it I can't manage. You were always that for me, something others could live without but for me if I didn't have you I would spiral and find myself drinking to fill the void and on the floor the next afternoon. You may look great from afar, but you are one in the same with fireworks if I can't feel it, it isn't there. Will it ever be there, that feeling that makes you nervous like you have to embarrass yourself for their amusement. Mabey later I will realize that in doing this I am just digging myself a deeper hole. But for now I will watch you from afar and know in my bones that I can't ever get close enough to truly feel you, to get my fill. Do I even truly want that utterly n...

  I love the sting as you enter my lungs. Every mark you make the more I take you in. The Worse the better. You leave your mark and damage me leaving me only wanting more. You both fill and create the holes in my body. I don't know what your doing to me, but i love the way you hurt me leaving me on the floor and hitting me while I'm down, hacking and choking, but I keep chasing after your high. I think the risk is what attracts me. The sting the smell the initial pain and the way I get used to it every time. complaints of worry and disgust are skewed yet I still run back to you and hate it every time that I do. My response is almost like auto pilot I continue to ignore and return leaving me on the floor gasping every time I return disgusted with the way I treat myself yet I always turn around begging for more. I turn to you in droughts of strong emotion a response for those who are looking for comfort, yet I turn to you and get the opposite, like listening to sad music just to ...

  How do I say this without being rude your obsession is pathetic and crazed. It's loud anxious and worst of all fueled not by hatred or lust but spoilage. The only part of the years left uncertain that does not fit is my absolute understanding that you have never been told no. The fondness of your mother so much so you would bring her to a concert with your friends who didn't and your complete lack of understanding in a drought of rejection. You play down right stupid and say you don't understand when I have made it clear time and time again "Your welcome to join us but we don't want your mother to join us" a reasonable reaction along the lines of okay I will go and not bring my mom or I will go separately would due however you refuse to fit into others standards of comfort yet ask to be notified when doing something wrong just to blame and refuse to accept that you may be wrong or out of line. Threating to "do something stupid" when asked, yes blun...